Being up, Being down and the Bit inbetween......

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle - Albert Einstein

Somedays I wake up proud to be a part of this world, brimming full of energy, 'a positive step in the right direction,' I think to myself. But soon, the fall will come, the fear, the pain and the need to sink away from my surroundings. I attack myself, then I love myself, I live in fear, then I live in hope. My battle is a personal one, but in science, they call it Bipolar. This is me, my journey, being up, being down and the bit inbetween.

This blog is an aid to my life, it is a place to come to let my thoughts have an outlet. I want this to be freeflowing like my mind, no particular order as I cant seem to focus long enough to make this methodical. It will be me, through every experience and the thoughts I feel when I'm living my life.

I'm 24 and have been dealing with Bipolar and depression since I was 14. My councellors and doctors had mentioned that my symptoms were that of a bipolar person, but about a month ago, a physciatrist sent a statement to my doctor confirming that I am bipolar and to start taking additional tablets (I am aleady taking citalopram), which would help to control my moodswings. This tablet is olanzapine/zyprexa and is slowly working to numb my mind to the severity of my often uncontrollable emotions.  

I will also talk open and honestly about my drug and drink usage. I see a councellor for this, who actually helps me to understand why I have made the choices I have made in my life and, how to identify ways to stop the bad habits that I have accumalated as a way of blocking out pain and the continous negative voice in my head. I've seen many councellors since I was 14 and this is the only time I have ever felt able to openly discuss what goes on inside my head. Thats why I am ready to write about it, to share my experiences and to hopefully begin my path to recovering, not just from drugs but more importantly from the continuous abuse I tell myself and demonstrate. The drink and drugs are a part of my life but they are not the only part. They are another small pattern in a web that I am trying to untangle.

As my first entry I find it difficult to summarise who I am and I'd rather allow you to guess as we go along, because I dont really know myself. Who am I? I am a blogger and I am bipolar. This is my story, hope you enjoy the ride.

xxx